Most of us are no strangers to broken promises. But it’s funny how even the smallest ones from childhood — like a toy that never found us, or a vacation that never happened — stayed with us for a long time.
A man didn’t want his daughter to go through the same cycle, though. Sharing his story online, he said his uncle, who had a habit of making empty claims and big gestures, ended up promising an extravagant trip to his 5-year-old.
Having suffered himself as a child, he decided to set some boundaries. However, he didn’t expect that the family drama would get out of hand so quickly.
A man said that when he was a kid, his uncle had a habit of making empty promises
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Now, his uncle has promised an extravagant vacation as a gift to his daughter
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Empty promises can do more damage than we realize
Think about all the small promises adults make to kids without really thinking them through. For example, a child is crying for an expensive toy, and the parent says they’ll buy it next time — just to calm them down in the moment or make the situation easier.
For a child, these promises do not feel small. Children do not fully understand delay or uncertainty in the same way adults do.
Now compare this to adult life. If someone at work is promised a promotion and later finds out it did not happen, it can feel quite upsetting.
Children feel the same feelings, even if the situation looks less important from an adult point of view. A promised chocolate, a trip to the zoo, or a special surprise carries strong emotional meaning for them.
“People remember broken promises for years, especially if it was an emotional event. Often remembering the situation even triggers some of those original emotional states,” writes parenting expert Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.
Research shows that trust in early life is built through repeated actions, not just words. When empty promises are made, even in small everyday situations, children can become confused about what to expect. Over time, this can affect how and who they trust.
For example, an uncle who keeps promising exciting trips but never follows through can slowly make children lose trust in what adults say in general.
This can go beyond just missed promises. For instance, if a parent says “you are safe” during a stressful or unfamiliar situation, the child may not fully believe it or may feel unsure instead of reassured. The same can apply to everyday guidance too.
Making false promises to a child can also make them think that lying is acceptable.
A study found that when adults lie to children, it can influence children’s own honesty, since they learn through modeling and imitation of adult behavior.
It doesn’t mean one situation will change a child overnight, but repeated patterns definitely can.
Experts believe that some people make promises they can’t keep because of a people-pleasing tendency.
“They want to be able to ingratiate themselves to others, they want others to like them… they’re not being realistic about what they’re actually able to do,” North Brisbane psychologist Rachel Hannam tells ABC.
She says some people are not intentionally making false promises. “They tend to be acting innocently and unconsciously while just trying to get some love. But the approach is self-sabotaging, because in the end they lose people’s trust.”
Another reason is wishful thinking, and some people genuinely mean it when they say things like “we’ll go on that trip.” But they’re not thinking about what their time, money, or energy looks like. It’s like optimism speaking louder than reality.
There’s also social pressure and saving face. Sometimes people feel like they’re expected to sound generous or fun, especially with kids or family, so they say big things to keep up an image.
However, even if the intention isn’t malicious, the impact is still felt… especially by kids who take words very literally.
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Setting boundaries with family members is not easy, especially when they’re used to having things their way
There’s a ton of research that shows that in some cultures, older people or men are often given more control and more decision-making power in a family setup. They are also held to a lower expectation when it comes to reflecting on their behavior or emotionally adjusting to others.
This can turn into a default mindset where their words or actions carry more weight just because of their age or gender, and people are expected to go along with it.
Because of this, certain behaviors — like making big empty promises, or feeling offended when someone sets a boundary — can become normalized in families. It’s not always seen as a problem by the person doing it, because they may be used to their intentions being accepted without challenge.
This is exactly why setting boundaries becomes so important. Without clear limits, these patterns just continue, and it’s often the children who’re left with a heavy heart.
For example, the parents can speak up when a relative starts making empty promises. Even if they mean well, they should be made aware that these promises end up breaking trust.
And if a child is already expecting something that won’t happen, it’s better to be honest early. Explain that the trip won’t be happening this time, and gently shift their attention to something real instead, like a different plan or activity they can actually look forward to.
“It’s essential to set realistic expectations for your relationships with your family members. While anyone is capable of change, it’s important to recognize how much of an effort they’re likely to make before discussing your boundaries with them. Setting realistic expectations for your relationships is a necessary part of maintaining your well-being,” writes Dr. Christopher S. Taylor, founder of Taylor Counseling Group.
Experts also note that setting such boundaries often doesn’t go smoothly at first. It can bring drama, awkward moments, and some emotional backlash. It is especially common when old and normalized family habits are being challenged.
However, these things should not be a deterrent because, at the end of the day, the priority should be your own kid’s peace and emotions. After all, they can’t really spot emotional red flags or make sense of broken promises all on their own.
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A lot of people in the comments supported the man for drawing boundaries
Some people said this behavior shouldn’t have gone on for so long
The man gave another update about the family drama that followed soon after
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He gave some more info in the comments
Here’s how people reacted to the whole situation
